The Trouble with “The Secret”

 

The major trouble with “The Secret” and other similar practices is that when you are working hard on improving your life and trying to find helpful or spiritual ways to do so you unknowingly set yourself up for failure.

 

When ‘The Secret’ was first released I was skeptical, yet excited. I immediately went to Barnes and Noble, purchased the book and read it in one evening. When I finished I reading the book I put my doubts aside and signed up on the website, read the messages boards, and excitingly told my family and friends about it, yet a few nagging thoughts lingered… I had a strong and prevalent feeling that I could never be good enough, (very much like my Catholic up bringing),’ The Secret’ is not a secret, an awareness of how many negative and unhappy successful people I know, and most importantly, the overwhelming numbers of people suffering in poverty, the third world, and genocide.

 

As I read through the message boards and talk to people, the realization that something was terribly wrong grew. So many people are falling short and then beating themselves up with statements like; ‘I will try to be more positive, more hopeful, meditate more, be more grateful,’ and ‘If I can be those things then maybe my cancer will go away, my husband will return, or my child will get off drugs.’ Everyone’s hopes and dreams pinned on one philosophy, one idea. I wanted to find them, hug them and tell them sometimes bad things happen to good people and it’s not their fault! So much unnecessary guilt. Not for me, thank you! I also did not need to add something new to my life that I continuously fell short of. That was the exact thing I was moving away from.

 

Let’s imagine a check is coming in to our mailbox for any amount and we know without a doubt it is coming according to this believe system. Everyday the mail arrives and we excitedly go through the contents and nothing, not to worry, tomorrow. Repeat this scenario for several days, then into a week, 2 weeks, and 3. Our hopes are being challenged, doubts creep in, and the self flagellation begins. Did we allow worry or doubt to creep in too soon? We didn’t wait long enough? 3 weeks!? Maybe we’re forcing it. Are we not pure enough? Maybe we still harbor unconscious feelings from childhood that we have to explore and purge before we are blessed. Maybe the middle toe on my left foot attacked the baby toe on my right foot and they won’t make up? Maybe, just maybe this is silly. I grew up with a religion like this……It is called Catholicism. (If you got a check, let me know)!

 

Maybe, just maybe, I have to learn to take responsibility for my life; my spirituality, my emotional growth, finances, my relationships, personal accountability, my health as much as possible, and my self worth. I don’t need to pollute the universe by working out my emotional baggage out there. It’s an inside job. As I really learn to believe in myself, know that I am an amazing person with many gifts and talents I realize I have nothing to prove, especially to the universe. When I know I am simply good enough, profound things happen, self doubt begins to ebb away, and guilt begins to dissipate.

If I follow ‘The Secret’ and things do not work out the way I ‘Intend’ then there is always something wrong with me. Some flaw holding me back from getting what I want or need. How often have you heard the question, ‘why do bad things happen to good people? I know and I bet you do also, do many flawed, angry, mean spirited human beings that seem to be incredibly blessed with whatever they want.

 

Another problem I have with ‘The Secret’ it is not a secret. That I knew from the first time I heard about the book. Law of Attraction, (LOA) = What goes around comes around, Karma, If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all, do unto to others. The foundation for most major religions is based on love and kindness. Rhonda Byrne is a very smart woman who repackaged only part of the story very successfully. I applaud her. But in order for me to grow fully I need the rest of the story.

 

Lastly, yet most importantly, if you believe in the LOA then what about the thought processes of the people in Darfur, in the Congo, Iraq? I was watching 60 minutes last Sunday about the genocide happening in the Congo right now. They interviewed a young girl who had been raped repeatedly. They raped her in front of her brother, killed him when he refused to rape her, then kidnapped her, took her away from her 2 children and continued to rape her for 8 months until she escaped. She was in school, found her children and had another from one of the rapists. The most amazing thing was that she was grateful to be alive, happy to be reunited with her children. As I watched her I could not help but think about the LOA. If she had put different thoughts into the universe it would have saved her and millions of people like her? How ridiculous. It made me angry.

She was miraculously happy. The money we spend on things like ‘The Secret’ could be sent to make a difference in people’s lives that struggle under horrendous conditions. We would feel much better about ourselves and ‘sending’ amazing and tangible changes out into the universe. What a good idea…. Anyone want to help me set that up?

 

Please be wary of anything that promises you success, health, wealth, happiness and peace by just changing your mind set. When things do not turn out the way you want them you feel like it’s your fault which leads to unnecessary guilt, not being good enough, the if onlies, which in turn keeps you stuck.

I believe Changing your mind set is one of the most powerful tools we have, but again that is only part of the story.

Please share your thoughts, ideas, and stories and opinions on “the Secret”. Did it work for you? How?

If not, let yourself off the hook and others as well by sharing you experience.

 

Help me make a real change and remember, you are already whole!

Hugs,

Niecie

Run Faster, Jump Higher

 

Are we doomed to stay stuck with certain behaviors and issues? Will they always be there to trip us up and re-route us back to where we started? I have learned it depends on how we handle them. What we decide to do about them. Once I decided to take my power back and decided to focus improving my life and moving forward I wish I could tell you things started to magically fall into place. Negative thoughts and behaviors disappeared and I am now able to achieve all my hopes and dreams seamlessly. That is so funny.

You see, I have been here before, I wish could say this place is like an old friend or favorite sweatshirt but it’s more like that irritating neighbor that you just want to avoid by any means. The problem with the my cranky neighbor and nagging behaviors is unless I make peace with them I am doomed to ducking around the corners of my mind and quietly peeking out until the coast is clear. As I waited for the coast to clear I would get bored and play with my so called friends; denial, anger, resentment, jealousy, alcohol……They are such liars!

This, I finally decided, is using up way too much energy and I no longer have the time or the patience for such silliness. I deserved real and true friends, who aren’t going to deceive me, friends like peace, contentment, fulfillment, truth, security……. This time when I decided, I also took the next step and each time a mind issue arises instead of running behind my mamas’ skirt I stand boldly in front of it, take a deep breath, put my hands on my hips and feel it.

Ouch. Surprisingly, some negative behaviors I can easily reach out my hand, shake, quickly embrace and move forward, others grasp my hand for dear life and the embrace is suffocating. I am learning to wiggle out of this destructive hold, step back from the feelings, and look at them, albeit with apprehension and anxiety. I am learning to stare them down and watch them shrink smaller and smaller until they are rendered powerless.

It will take some time until I recognize that peace, security, truth, contentment and fulfillment have always been my dear friends. That they have always been by my side, and they are much more comfortable than the old sneakers of deceit that I keep trying to wash again and again. The more I wash them the tighter they become. I have new ones in the closet that help me jump higher and run faster. It’s time to take them out of the closet and chose them. They fit perfectly.

The message, you are not doomed. As many times as you fall down you can get back up and try again. Your real truths are inside and right beside you. You are better than those nagging lies. Discard those old sneakers, put on the new ones that you deserve and run faster and jump higher!

Now get out from behind your mama’s skirt and go out and jump and run,

Niecie

 

Inspiritional Lesson for us all!

Please visit this link. It is a story about a down syndrome young man and how he made a huge difference bagging groceries. If only I could be so thoughtful! It moved me to tears.

http://www.stservicemovie.com/

I Decided

As I began to push through the fear, I realized that had I given up I would have quit or stayed stuck a few breaths away from freedom. I realized more than not that we manage to fight, suffer, desire, and struggle through our situations and challenges yet give up when we are just steps away from change, growth, or a new opportunity.

It reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode, “I Shot an Arrow into the Air,” when a space ship crashes and three astronauts survive and they believe they landed on an asteroid. They have 5 gallons of water between them. Cory plans on killing the other two and keeping the water for himself. Before Pierson dies he has realized that they are still on earth and draws a picture in the sand. Corey ignores the drawing and kills Donlin. After both his friends are dead he walks to the top of the mountain and realizes that Corey was drawing telephone poles and they had never left earth, they weren’t going to die.

How many of our minds never leave neutral? We remain disengaged until the gear burns out because and we only allow what is directly on front of us to dictate our direction. We are unhappy, frustrated, living well below our potential and life has become more difficult then necessary. We have become like everyone else……complaining about our jobs, co-workers, spouses, children, road rage, etc. Our spirits are drained as well as our minds, souls and bank accounts.

 

I decided I could not live like this anymore. I was starving and deserved to be part of the banquet.

I decided self pity was keeping me hungry.

I decided it was time to shift gears, wipe the fog from my mind, and look beyond what I see.

I decided to stop being afraid.

I decided to stop thinking and start doing. (I’m an over-thinker).

I decided to ‘lose my luggage’ and stop dragging it around by opening and owning it.

I decided to forgive myself and everyone without an almost.

I decided to not to personalize others behavior anymore.

I decided to have fun again.

I decided to love myself and everyone without a sort of.

I decided to change my attitude and my life is changing for the better. I am leaving the table a little fuller everyday.

 

It’s Time you Decided You Deserve Better,

Niecie

Our Biggest Challenge

Just a quick note to share what I feel our biggest challenge is overall. FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of change, fear of abandonment, fear of pain, fear of judgment, fear of discovering who we really are or more importantly, the paralyzing fear that others will discover who we are not…………….the list goes on endlessly. I am that terrible? Are you? What is the worst thing that could happen? What horrible thing what might we discover about each other?

Maybe just for starters we will discover that we are much more similar than we know. Maybe we will discover that we can love an accept each other despite our flaws or maybe because of them.

Know just for this moment that you are loved totally and completely loved for exactly who you are, exactly where you are. Then, in the following moment, step out and completely accept and love someone else. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Love beats fear every time.

More later……..

Sleep blanketed in love,

Niecie

Here is my beginning, where is yours?

 

My beginning point is actually my end point. I am at the end of myself. There has not been much about me that I have liked, enjoyed, or wanted to be around lately. I am by nature a positive personality, sometimes to the degree that people want to choke me. I’ve noticed more and more recently that I am negative, exhausted, weepy, reveling in self pity (I had very good reasons for this that I will fill you in shortly) and in essence I have started to become that person that no one wants to be around anymore or at least I didn’t want to be around me. I found myself saying to myself, “Wow, you are a mess; I can hardly stand you anymore. I wish you’d get away from me. You really need to get it together, why can’t you get it together?” This was a real crisis because as we are all very aware of, you can’t go for a walk to get away from yourself, kick yourself out, move away, or even take a time out from you. I should have been banned. I am a firm believer in the adage that you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. I had become my very own worst problem.

I had just survived 5 1/2 years of menopausal depression, my husband having an affair and deciding marriage wasn’t for him anymore after 3 kids and 23 years of marriage, a divorce that took 2 1/2 very difficult years, etc. See…I have every excuse to be miserable and let go of my own hands as they barely grip the building’s edge and watch myself spiral downward again until the reveling in self pity wakes up to self loathing. I have reached my end. I am tired of myself, of the whining, the anger and resentment, waiting for life to change for me and forcing my eyes open every morning to the same. ‘Be the change,’ voices keep chanting. Be the change you want to see in the world.

So here I start, bit by bit, pulling me back up over the edge. To dust me off, spin me around, step back and look at me remembering that I am still here. To remember that I am a good, kind, loving and generous person that is still alive in here. Maybe a little bumped and bruised but no worse for wear and I can do this. I CAN BE THE CHANGE IN MY LIFE AND THEN THE WORLD AROUND ME. My soul and spirit deserve to be taken care of, nurtured and healed. Where is your beginning? Let’s help each other as a community heal and nurture our souls then the world around us.

Where to begin?

Where to begin living a life that is soulful and spirited will be different for each of us. We are all on a different path or place in the path on our journey. For me personally I will start with cleaning up my diet. I have enjoyed many yummy goodies this holiday season. I will start an exercise program of some sort. (Nothing too taxing), maybe it will only entail just getting off the couch and running up and down the cellar stairs. I am actually going to try to learn to belly dancing. We shall see. It should be interesting. I need to clear my mind and body then begin working on my spirit. Where do you need to start? How will you begin? I will have some helpful advice, thoughts and ideas posted in the next few days to encourage and inspire us all.

Be well,

Niecie

Welcome

As the New Year quickly approaches and 2007 will soon be history I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the movie” Auntie Mame”, where Rosalind Russell proclaims that, ‘Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.’ I love this quote because as I look around at my life and the lives of many others it shouts the truth. How do we change our truth for 2008? How do we participate in the banquet of life? How do we leave the table full and satisfied? How do we feed our spirits, minds and soul? How do we stop talking about it and make it work? I have spoken to many people young and old that right after this joyous holiday season and the response is the same….’It just didn’t feel like Christmas, I feel empty, It is too commercialized’. I realize that this can be a normal response after the hype of the holidays but what concerns me is the growing number of young people that are feeling this. I believe that together we can end this ’starvation of the soul’.

This is the year that we can leave the table full, the banquet satisfied, and our spirits reignited. Join me while we learn to sit and nourish our lives together!

Happy Overflowing Spirited New Year!

Niecie